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Into The Wild

movieoftheday:Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, ‘cause “the West is the best.” And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the Great White North. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild. - Alexander Supertramp May 1992

Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, ‘cause “the West is the best.” And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the Great White North. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild. - Alexander Supertramp May 1992

I admire you, Alexander.

Personality Traits!

Here is a list of quirky personality traits! Bold what applies to you.  

I always announce when I have to pee/use the bathroom. I won’t eat my food if it touches a different food. I will not blow my nose in front of other people. I put my feet up on everything. I say hello to everyone I see. I have a tendency to make everything awkward. My mind always wanders to the “sexual” side of things.

I always follow things up with “That’s what she said!”

I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends/family for tampons. I use chapstick/lip balm religiously. I check my accounts online in order every time I get on the computer. If I get up from the computer, even for a second, I put an away message up. I’m always leaving my phone in random places. I always keep on earbud out, in case someone needs to talk to me.

I mark off every day on the calendar.  

I have the same routine everytime I take a shower. I will not go out in public without makeup on. Everything about my life is very neat. It has to be. I make a to-do list every day, and I’m lost without it. (usually) I always check my phone the second I wake up.

I have to pee before bed.

I laugh when I hear/see the number 69. I yell "whip" a person when someone disses someone else (or I do). I take off my shoes when I get inside the house.

I can’t stand silence. Especially when I drive.  

I have to listen to something or I can’t fall asleep.

I have to have the TV on or I can’t fall asleep.  

I don’t use public bathrooms. Period. I will NOT fart in front of anyone. I will absolutely NOT fart in front of my boyfriend/girlfriend. All my music on iTunes has to have album art. (the ones that don’t drive me INSANE) Going a day without changing my underwear, NEVER, EVER happens. I tend to skip showers frequently. I count to 20 (seconds) when I wash my hands. I’m always forgetting to take my pills.

I have panic attacks frequently. The door(s) must be shut before I go to bed. I’m always saying chat lingo out loud (example: “L-O-L” or “W-T-F”)  

I swear way too much for my own good. I re-write (or type) all my notes.

Without thinking twice, I always correct spelling/grammar mistakes. I go for weeks without checking my email.

I show up late to work all the time. I number my surveys (in the title).

I number the questions on all my surveys.


I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. 

- Marilyn Monroe

Dear God


Why do you hate me?


P.S.: what do you look like?




I love you. Can you please come back for me?

Thank you.

Much Love,

your dear friend Suzanne G. C. Leusink

Time flies

Time Flies.

Time flies when you're having so much fun. This summer was relaxed, I was mentally preparing myself for the butload of work I have to do this year. Major Exams are coming up this year, which is just great (NOT).
I hate school. I hate its rules, the work, the arrogant kids in my class. I can't wait to get it over with, but at the same time, I'm gonna miss it so much when I leave it. I love this building, the colours, the brightness, some of the teachters and mostly, the friends I only see when I go to school, who I'll probably won't see again after this.
I'm already getting headaches, feeling depressed and biting my lip until it bleeds.
Which just sucks monkeyballs.
Fun fact: I'm going to England. God I can't WAIT! I've been waiting for this for 4 years, and I'm going with, well the whole school but also with my friends Francisca and Sharon which is just gonna be so much fun! I just... I'm terribly excited!
Fanfiction rocks. I found it not too long ago, adore it ever since. I write because I like it, I don't always take it seriously and its actually just practice for me for later, when I'm going to be working in the US as a nanny.
This summer I've been thinking about acting. I love it. I can't get enough of it, I'm creative, not very bright but if I'm motivated (which I am), things work out just fine.
Only, I hate Dutch productions.
I hate the language. I can barely stand it in normal life but the crappy shows suck, its so silly and stupid and there's no talent out there.
I guess I can kiss that dream goodbye.
I'm just gonna focus on playing my lovely Penelope the Ukulele, I adore her (yes thats right, its a she) and its getting better and better. Only, my uke only cost like, 20 bucks and its just crappy.
Mmmmm I guess its good for now.
Tired now, need sleep. Night night.

New chapter Emerald Eyes

Title: Emerald Eyes
Summary: Alice is late for work. Again. She rushes to the subway when she falls and drops her phone in a puddle of water. A guy with familiar emerald eyes saves her phone from drowning. Little does she know this man is going to change her life.

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5109123/7/Emerald_Eyes

Emerald eyes chapter 3

I spend the next week doing… nothing. When I came home that afternoon my mother was waiting for me… and she wasn’t happy. At all.

She grounded me, even though I let her know that legally I was an adult and that I could do whatever I wanted. But, as she let me know so kindly, I was still living under her roof and now that I lost my job I wasn’t likely to move out.

And I spend the next week doing nothing but waiting for him to call. Yes, I was officially one of those girls. One of those girls who waited desperately for someone she just met to call. Desperate. Ugh.

I had asked my mom if I could go back to the store to ask if my phone was insured, which fortunately, it was. Thank god for that.

After the first two days of boredom I decided to ‘forget’ taking my medication. After a painful breakfast with mom and Cynthia in which the tension was almost overwhelming I took the pills upstairs and I would hold them, crawl back into bed and enjoy the orchestra of dancing jewellery. And soon the choir of make-up would join in.

Yes, I know. Not only was I desperate, I was also pathetic. Great. Like my life wasn’t miserable enough.

It was strangely agonizing, waiting for him to call. Even though I hadn’t really noticed it when we were on our ‘date’ I suddenly felt like I had had a connection with him.

I just hoped he had felt that too.

I was enjoying the orchestra, the choir and the suddenly appearing nail-polish dancers who were dancing ballet when Cynthia sneaked in without knocking. I hid my pills under my cushion and glared at her.

‘Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?’

She blushed and looked down. ‘Sorry.’

I instantly felt bad. What had she ever done to me that was so horrible? I just couldn’t help myself. She and I were complete opposites. She had blonde hair, I had black hair. She had brown eyes, I had blue ones. She had curls, I had my strange spiky hair. She was tall. I was short. She was beautiful, I was not. She was the most perfect child my mother could wish. I was a failure.

‘I just wanted to ask you… do you want me to help you find a job? A friend of mine is well connected… I can ask…?’ Cynthia muttered, and I focused on her again.

‘Why?’ I asked confused. In all these years that we knew each other I had done nothing but snap at her, and be jealous of her. Why was she helping me?

She glanced up and met my gaze. ‘You’re my sister.’ she stated as if that was the most rational explanation in the world.

Maybe it was.

I just stared at her and the orchestra, choir and dancers were obviously getting frustrated at me for not paying attention; they were starting to yell at me.

‘Cynthia! We need to go to the store!’ I heard my mother shriek and I immediately got the Goosebumps.

Cynthia opened the door. ‘I’ll be right down!’

Cynthia turned back to me and smiled hesitantly. I got up and the orchestra, choir and dancers stopped shouting. I glanced back and they turned around and walked down my nightstand, sat down with their backs to me. Great. Now I had to worry about imaginary friends who were disappointed in me too.

I looked back at Cynthia and threw my arms around her. She seemed startled at first but she hugged me back. ‘I’m sorry for being mean to you Cynthia.’ I chocked back some tears. What was wrong with me?

Cynthia patted my back. ‘That’s okay Al. Just remember that I love you, ‘kay?’ Cynthia leaned back to look at me and I smiled at her. She smiled back.

Good. At least that was a start.

I let Cynthia go and she went downstairs where I heard my mom talk to her. And I heard Cynthia snap back at her. I was stunned and I opened the door silently.

Cynthia… snapped at mom? The perfect child… snapped… at… mom?

‘Excuse me?’ I heard my mother say.

‘Why are you keeping Alice locked up like this? She doesn’t deserve it from you y’know.’

I heard my mother snort at Cynthia. ‘Alice is…’ she started but Cynthia cut her off.

‘You know what mom? If you cannot see how truly good Alice is, than I have no need to speak to you. I’m going to the car.’

I was utterly dazed. I had never heard Cynthia raise her voice to my mother. And I had never heard her be there for me. I smiled. It made me feel warm and fuzzy to know that someone was there for me. It felt… nice.

I heard my mom walk up the stairs so I tried to act normal: I quickly turned on my laptop and pretended to be busy. I heard my mother open my door and I glanced up.

‘Don’t you dare leave this house.’ she snapped at me. I just nodded.

As soon as I heard them leave I took my pill for the day, ran downstairs and watched TV. My TV broke a few weeks back and I hadn’t been allowed to watch it downstairs. And even though I had my laptop it wasn’t the same.

I quickly scanned the channels and I saw that Lost was on. I smiled and was really getting into the story… I had always been a fan of drama and I just loved the idea of the show. A group of strangers survive a plane crash on a deserted strange island. It was very intriguing and I soon lost track of time.

I jumped when the phone rang. I laughed at myself and quickly got up.

‘Alice Brandon.’

‘Alice? This is Jasper Hale… if you remember me.’ he sounded so insecure.

‘Jasper! I was wondering when you’d call,’ I said and I was grateful that he decided to

call when mom and Cynthia were out.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner… I was busy. Do you want to get together soon?’

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. ‘I want to. But I don’t know when I’ll be able to meet you.’ I didn’t wanna say I was grounded. Childish much?

He was silent for a second.

‘What have you been up to?’ I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

‘Not much… I’ve just been busy with painting and playing the guitar. How about you?’

‘Oh I’ve been so bored, you calling is the best thing that happened to me this past week,’ I said as I sat down at the couch again.

We talked until mom and Cynthia returned two hours later. Jasper was so interesting: he played the guitar since he was little and apparently he was very good. I made him promise to play for me some day. And show me his paintings. He told me a little about his childhood: apparently he had a twin sister named Rosalie. She was married to a really nice guy and they just had a baby named Amy. He had a brother named Edward who recently got married. His father was a doctor and his mother used to be an interior designed but she recently quit because her mother got very sick and she wanted to be there for her in her last year. I stifled a snort. Not because of the sweet gesture of Jasper’s mother but because I couldn’t imagine me doing that for my mother.

I got the feeling that talking about Jaspers family was a touchy subject so I moved along and asked about what books he liked. Apparently he loved mystery books and he used to be obsessed with books, movie’s and documentary’s about the Loch Ness Monster. I told him I had a strange obsession with the Titanic when I was 16 and that never really passed. We started to discuss the movie Titanic when I heard a car pull up the driveway.

‘Jasper can I have your number?’ I cut him off. He was just saying that though he liked Jack and Rose he wasn’t sure that a love story should’ve been involved in the movie.

‘Umm sure.’ he said in a confused tone and I ran around the room for a pen and paper. I quickly wrote down his number, said a fast goodbye with a promise I’d call him and hung up. I was about to run upstairs when the door opened and mother came in, carrying two bags. Great.

‘Alice take one of these bags,’ she said roughly and I quickly ran towards her and took one of the heavy bags. Cynthia appeared behind mother and was also carrying a bag.

‘What did you buy?’ I asked curiously as I walked towards the kitchen. Mother raised an eyebrow.

‘You didn’t forget grandma’s birthday, did you?’ she snapped at me. I blinked and cursed myself. Grandma’s birthday… oh no. I looked in the bag and saw everything that you needed to make a cake. I glanced at the calendar. Yeah. Grandma’s birthday was in four days.

‘No… I didn’t forget.’ I stuttered as I saw my mother glare at me. ‘But I forgot to buy a present for her and well…’

‘Fine you can go buy her something this week… if you behave,’ mother said and she started putting things away. I couldn’t help but feel euphoric.

I could see Jasper again. Finally.

Emerald Eyes chapter 2: Miss Alice

‘Are you okay?’

I had the feeling I’d been staring at him for at least 5 minutes. But then again, my mind was still working in slow motion.

‘Ma’am?’ he asked again, nervously. I blinked, and took his hand. It was freezing, but I didn’t flinch away. When I touched him I could feel the scars covering his hand but I pretended not to notice.

The man handed me the soaking wet phone.

‘Thanks,’ I breathed when I took it. He smiled, and it brightened up his face.

He had blonde hair that desperately needed a haircut. I had the strange urge to ruffle through his hair. Focus, I said to myself. I tried to take in as much of this stranger before we would part ways.

His green eyes were beautiful… until I noticed that his pupils were dilated.

I realized I hadn’t let go of his hand.

‘I’m Alice. Alice Brandon.’ I said and I bit my lip. Did I just introduce myself in a James Bond style?

He didn’t seem to notice.

‘Jasper Hale,’ he said in his low velvet voice.

We stood in silence for a second and I glanced at the clock hanging over the entrance of the subway.

It was too late.

I would get fired.

I glanced back at those beautiful dilated eyes and took a decision.

‘Wanna grab a coffee?’ I asked.

He blinked.

Please let him say yes, my heart said. I plucked on a strand of hair nervously while he stared at me strangely.

‘Sure,’ Jasper eventually said.

I grabbed his cold hand. He seemed startled by my spontaneous move but after a moment he smiled.

‘Sorry,’ I said. I blushed and tried to let go but he held me tightly.

‘That’s okay.’ he said and he looked… hopeful? But then his gaze changed.

‘Miss Alice, I am terribly flattered that you would like to drink coffee with me, but I saw you run to the subway… aren’t you supposed to be somewhere?’ he asked and I bit my lip. Should I tell him the truth?

‘I’m supposed to be at work. But they said they would fire me if I was ever late again. And… I am pretty late. Besides, I would rather drink coffee with you,’ I said honestly, thinking I couldn’t blush even more but I was wrong. My cheeks turned a deep red and Jasper suddenly said: ‘That colour looks lovely on you,’ which made me blush even more… what the hell was wrong with me? I never blushed!

I hadn’t realized we were at the Starbucks until Jasper pulled me in the warm store. It was then I realized I was actually freezing. I shivered, and Jasper noticed.

‘Alice? Are you cold? Would you like my jacket?’ he asked concerned.

I shook my head but another shiver ran up my spine. ‘Its fine.’

But he was already shrugging out of his jacket. ‘I don’t want you to catch a cold miss Alice.’

The woman behind the counter raised an eyebrow because it was actually really warm in the Starbucks. But still, shivers ran up and down my spine and I gratefully slid into the jacket that belonged to Jasper. I took a deep breath. His jacket smelled like old cigarettes and faded alcohol.

‘Why don’t you go sit and I’ll order. What do you want?’ he asked in a polite voice.

‘Umm just a cappuccino.’ I said and he smiled at me. My breath caught.

I tried to walk a graceful walk to the table and I was grateful I sort of succeeded.. A man at the next table raised his eyebrows with interest but didn’t say anything.

I looked over my shoulder and saw that Jasper was watching me walk. When he caught my gaze he blushed. I chuckled and slowly sank on the chair.

I watched how the woman behind the counter tried to flirt… I was actually jealous. But I noticed how Jasper only had eyes for me; he frequently glanced at me and made me blush deeper and deeper.

I saw how he grabbed deep into his pocket and got a few dollar bills. He blushed again and I realized he was poor. I felt bad. Why didn’t I notice before? I should’ve paid. I offered to get a coffee. I glanced down guiltily.

When he came over I looked up. ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered. He didn’t understand me. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I offered to go drink coffee. I should pay.’

‘Oh no,’ Jasper said and he waved his hand. ‘Its fine.’

When I continued to stare at him with my eyebrow slightly raised he chuckled.

‘Really its fine Alice. Now that you lost your job because of me the least I can do is pay for some coffee,’ he scoffed. I grinned and put my hands around my coffee mug to warm them. He smiled back and bared his teeth. My breath caught again.

‘So Jasper, what do you do for a living?’ my voice shook a little and I blushed again. Such a cliché question. But I hadn’t gone fore a date in… two years. God has it been that long?

But the calmness radiating from Jasper made me feel at ease. Sort of. I was still blushing.

‘Actually, right now, I don’t do anything. Well, I paint, but its not a full time job when no one buys your paintings.’ he grinned sheepishly at me.

‘You paint?’ I asked interested. He grinned back. ‘Only when I’m… inspired.’ he looked away like he’d said too much. I cocked my head.

‘I would love to see some paintings. Maybe even buy one.’ I offered. He gave me a small smile. ‘I don’t know if you’d like ‘em. They’re kinda dark.’

‘I like dark,’ I said and I smiled a devilish smile. ‘There’s a lot that you don’t know about me.’

‘Like what miss Alice?’ Unconsciously, we both started to lean to each other over the table and it made me blush more and more.

‘I have schizophrenia,’ I blurted out and I mentally punched myself in the face. What made me say that? I watched as he widened his eyes but his smile stayed in place. schizophrenia too. If she just stays on her meds its fine, at least, that’s what my mom says.’

‘Really? My aunt has schizophrenia too. If she stays on her meds it should be fine. At least, thats what my mom said.'

 I smiled back weakly. ‘I’m on medication but I don’t really like taking it. It makes me woozy and sick. But I don’t like hallucinating so…’


‘What do you see?’ Jasper asked interested. I cocked my head again.

‘Most of the time a pink bunny. Actually I see a lot of things, but they are always in this kind of cartoon version. I’ve seen a yellow deer, singing flowers, love bugs that change colours. Some are even pretty cute. But my mom doesn’t like it when I don’t take my medicine.’

‘I suppose she wants what’s best for you,’ Jasper said politely. I snorted.


‘My mom isn’t really… interested in me. My sister Cynthia is her favourite. I’m a mistake in her sorry excuse for a life.’

‘What on earth makes you think that?’

‘Because she said so.’

Jasper’s eyes widened and I almost giggled at his expression.

‘What kind of mother says that to her child?’ he grumbled. I smiled a little.

‘I wasn’t supposed to hear it. I was seven and hiding behind the stairs.’

Jasper looked absolutely horrified. I looked at the coffee mug in my now warm hands and saw that we were done. Jasper took one more sip of his coffee and then he smiled at me. I glanced at the clock and realized that I’d better call work… if they hadn’t called home yet to ask where I was. God, mom is gonna kill me.

I grabbed a napkin and turned around in my chair to the man that had looked at me with interest. ‘Excuse me sir, do you have a pen for me?’ I blinked my eyes in a flirty fashion, hoping it would work. Apparently it did, and I felt exited by this. I guess I wasn’t as bad at flirting as I thought I was.

‘Sure thing,’ the man coughed slightly and he got a pen from his professional looking bag.

I scribbled my name, well, actually I wrote down Miss Alice, and my number on the napkin and handed it to Jasper. I grabbed my wallet and got a couple of bucks and put it on the table.

‘That’s for the coffee. Call me.’

He blinked and smiled. ‘I sure will miss Alice.’

I smiled brightly before I hopped off the chair, giving the pen back to the man, taking off the Jasper’s jacket and handing it to him, and made my exit, hoping to be graceful again. I guess I pushed my luck because unfortunately I almost tripped in the doorway and I blushed again. When I looked over my shoulder Jasper had cocked his head to the side and was staring at me with an amused expression. I smiled slightly and he grinned back. Though I knew what was waiting for me at home, I couldn’t help but feel euphoric. And for once, I was gonna let myself feel good.

Like it? I have a pretty good idea where this story is leading to. Again, realize that English is not my first language and that I've never been to Starbucks and strangely, I've also never been on a date so I don't know how people act on first dates. I tried to make Jasper and Alice seem shy.
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